"I have to teach my child how to conduct himself in the world-
the world is not going to modify itself for my child."
My hope in sharing our personal experiences is that at least one Mom, Dad,
grandparent, guardian or teacher will relate and see hope, and a willingness
to change their lives.
I know that one person or situation is not the cause of where we are today.
But I know that one effort can make the difference to change things.
We must teach our child how to live in the world.
If we don’t nurture this behavior change now,
heaven help us when he’s thirteen, or even thirty.
Using Kids Coins since July of 2003
Comments: Philip was expelled from a K4 program in mid-November 2005.
Philip re-entered school August of 2006 and is doing wonderfully.
We are pleased to acknowledge that the universal child development and
behavior modification design of our program, proved to be effective in other
studied and proven programs, has had a profound affect on Philips' re-entry
into an enrolled school environment.
What we believe to be helpful are our tangible Coins that allow children
to view and think about their behavior and positive progression, and our
motivational music used to reinforce the program.
Enrolled in Day Care 6 months to 4 years of age
4 Months: Enrolled in day care
6-10 Months: Beginning of Screaming Fits
12 Months: Moved to the toddler room-Learned to bite
15 Months: Learned to dominate
2 years of age: Receiving notes on behavior twice weekly
Began to define demanding his way
Beginning of aggressive behavior in school
Introduction and successful use of The Kids Coins program
2-3 years: Defiant attitude-confrontational
Philip was moved to a 4 year class- his behavior worsened
His declining behavior seems to be directly related to a new teacher
4 years: Rambunctious, extreme distasteful and spiteful behavior
Undesirable treatment of children by adults in daycare center
(evidence of abuse and/or neglect) Willful and exhausting behavior
July, 2003 - Kids Coins introduced into household
Fall, 2003 - Dramatic change in behavior -
Drop in Disciplinary notes from daycare
Winter 2003 - Spring 2004 -
Kids Coins program gradually discontinued due to good results
Enrolled in alternative Daycare/11 weeks/Aug.2004-Nov.2004
Spring 2004 - Fall 2005 - Problem with potty training at day care
Defiant with teachers - demanding behavior
Mrs. How states, that Philips' behavior at this time was largely due
to teacher relationship. We at Kids Coins have dedicated ourselves for
this purpose, to promote positiveadult/child interaction through
he use of the tools we have created.
October, 2005 - Philip enrolled in K4 program
Negative behavior escalates with screaming fits
November, 2005 - Behavior notes coming home daily
Mother works from home
November 11, 2005 - Reinstatement of The Kids Coins Program - used daily
Focus on The Family contacted-Kids Coins approved-behavior positive change
Dec, 2005 - Jan, 2006 - Child psychologist consulted-
agrees with Kids Coins program
Philip enrolled in home school program- more structure added
Positive change in behavior - Philip is happier and feels empowered
Feb - March, 2006 - Philip using Kids Coins every day
Continued positive behavior - Philip is good natured -
arguments become non-existent
April, 2006 - Philips' positive change questioned by family members
Family commitment to use program every day
Kids coins help Philip focus, dramatic change in disposition
Focus on family behavior - Philip plays T-ball displays fair play team effort
August, 2006 - Philip reenters school - Doing wonderfully!
Detailed Time Line - Holly How
Philip was 4 hours old when he had his first fit.
As soon as his blanket was loosened, he immediately let out a
huge sigh and settled into sleep. My mother looked at me and said,
Philip was placed in a loving daycare environment at 4 months old.
He was very sweet, bright and affectionate.
Loving and caring for my children was my highest priority.
By 10 months the screaming fits began.
I learned what we call “The Spock Grip.”
This is where you put a firm grip on that muscle that
runs from the neck across the shoulder.
After about three days, we never dealt with that again.
When Philip moved to the “toddler room,”
he was exposed to a biter. After one month, the notes changed
from “Philip was bitten…” to “Philip bit…”
Nothing seemed to curb this until he was moved ahead to the next class,
6 months early to separate him from the other child.
But, this is the point I believe Philip understood domination.
As Philip grew, we could see the frustration in him.
Whether it was the speed you brought him food or the color of his cup,
if he wasn’t happy he was furious. There was never any “in between.”
If he wanted something different from what had been done for him,
you knew it by the heavily creased frown on his face.
You could see the dark cloud of doom form directly over his head.
To reinforce his displeasure, this face was even accompanied by
his turning his back on you to insure you knew how angry he was with you.
After two years we realized that we would be receiving a note
from school about Philips' behavior at least two days per week.
But, the notes were always equally divided over what was done
to him verses what he did to someone else.
What I knew was Philip was
demanding his way. The common issue that resulted in
frustrated teachers and a frustrated child was the more
frequent sullen or sometimes aggressive behavior.
The boys became equally obsessed with Spiderman
and began fighting “bad guys” all day.
Someone was being punched or kicked almost daily
by Philip and his two best friends.
Philip had become confrontational and defiant within the year.
INTRODUCTION OF THE KIDS COINS PROGRAM
I discovered Kids Coins as an account manager for a company
who is a major supporter of United Way. As a "blue feather donor"
I am always thrilled to see programs that help others.
A set of Kids Coins was set up in my home with immediate results.
Both children benefited from the program.
The greatest freedom gained using the Kids Coins programs
was Philip’s ability to give his feelings an identity.
The fact that he could pull out an "I'm Feeling" Coin,
with a face showing what he was thinking or doing,
helped him focus on action instead of simply reacting in anger.
When “Testy” had to be put out, Philip would immediately not want the Coin displayed. I simply told him to pick another face (I'm Feeling Coin).
I would tell him to show me the face you want to see instead of “Testy.”
Fall 2003 - Spring 2004
Kids Coins daily activity was continued with dramatic changes in Philips'
behavior both at home and at the daycare. Philip had the best time putting
the Coins into the display. That was his "PRIZE" in his mind. He said,
"Mommy, I'll be your "Big Helper"!
Within weeks, Philips' teachers commented on the very obvious improvement
in his behavior. He was not allowed to wear “Superhero clothes” at school.
They became a reward for the weekend. Unfortunately, once the immediate behavior issues were resolved, the Kids Coins program was discontinued.
Philip's behavior remained rambunctious until his two best buddies
were removed from his school. At this same time, he begant to remain
awake during nap time. School policy required children to lay on a cot
2-2.5 hours. Philip began defecating on himself and smearing it on
the floor. Another mother informed me her son was not allowed to
got to the bathroom and was laying in wet clothes.
A Prediatric Urologirst was consulted and informed the daycare that
boys potty train until the age of 3 and a note was written to allow
Philip to wear a training pant at nap time. With Philip, war was waged.
Although my mother-in-law began picking him up by lunch, Philip began
refusing to do his work. He would lay his head down and pout.
When Philip is not angry, he is very charming. He ponders things,
and questions you with his ideas. (Favorite question to date:
Aug 2005 while driving past a cemetery:
“Mom, why does God make people go into the dirt?”)
He’s bright and very quick to pick up information.
But, when he’s angry, it’s ugly.
The most difficult thing for me, is to show patience and to listen to what
bothers him. He grumbles and gets sullen when you don't
understand him. This spirals into a battle of wills,
that is exhausting with Philips' grudge holding ability.
I found a private school in our area that began very structured classes for K4 level. My thought was perhaps he was too bored. In October 2005 he began
in his new school with very similar behavior issues. While the environment was completely different, Philip was not.
By mid-November, I received the call every parent dreads.
“Mrs. How, we really need you to come and meet with Philip.
He has just had the very worst day we can tolerate.”
He had been so hateful to his teacher
(screaming no and throwing the crayons at her,
laying on the floor under the work table, and laying on the floor
instead of sitting in the time-out chair) that she was crying when she finally
turned him over to the principal for the last time (third time within 3 hours.)
After sobbing my heart out, I picked up my phone and called
Janet LaCroix from Kids Coins Productions.
We talked at length about what was happening.
Janet pointed out that Philip had no outlet of expression other than anger.
She reminded me how quickly the behavior cycle had been broken
the last time we incorporated The Kid Coins programs into our lives.
She also suggested that we begin a comprehensive program to utilize
the daily routine aspect of the program, with emphasis on using
The "I Can Do It" Coins
to begin a structured environment for Philip in order to
redirect his focus from negative to positive.
Janet worked with me on how to target Kids Coins to my 4-year-old and also incorporate my 7-year-old daughter. Due to the seriousness of the situation,
I went to my employer and asked if I could work mornings from my home.
I’m fortunate that the nature of my work allows me the freedom to work anywhere, but it was not company policy for individuals to work from home.
I’ve been very blessed that my employer
knew I would be diligent to keep my work at the required level.
Contacting the counseling center for James Dobsons' Focus On The Family
confirmed that getting Philip out of his current cycle of behavior was
imperative and the counselor indicated this time of social development
could affect Philips' entire future. Communication skills and boundaries
are established by the time a child is 5.
I was able to employ an individualized daily routine for Philip using
The Kids Coins Program. Knowing the activities that take place in our home,
I was successful in adapting a program that worked for us, one that has
benefited us all. This has given me the confidence to know that I can
be a better parent, to devote my attention and time on Philip while providing
for the many needs of my family. The Kids Coins programs have given
me a simplified way to help Philip focus on positive behavior.
In helping Philip establish the routines and requirements of Daily Tasks,
Pick-up Time, ABC Learning Time, Story Time, it has enabled me to show
him these same responsibilities by my taking care of similar issues
in the house.I make my bed while he makes his bed.
I pick-up and put away things around the house while he completes
his tasks as well. We work separately but together by doing the same
“tasks” and earning Gold Coins.
By the third day, Philip was no longer slouching when it was time to
“start our Kids Coins day.” He even went so far as to turn off the
televisions in the house while I was on the phone.
When he told me what he had done,
I couldn’t get over it.I was completely shocked since turning off the
TV’s was usually the first thing to trigger the “Testy” Coin showing up.
Initially, it was necessary to use Kids Coins constantly, but because
the program focuses on choosing positive behavior, it became a fun
part of the day with the entire family. Philips' Sunday school teacher,
children's' church leader and choir leader commented on the obvious
changes in his behavior and noted that he seemed much happier.
January - Feb 2006
A child psychologist was consulted regarding reintroducing Philip into school.
The changes in him were too dramatic to risk undoing them.
The Kids Coins program was taken to the meeting and the
therapist confirmed with us that the shame Philip experienced at 3
during potty training had left him with a powerlessness that bread
contempt in his heart. The therapist responded that
the Kids Coins program was teaching Philip healthy life-skills he needed by
giving him control over himself. It was confirmed that 10 wks was not long
enough to prevent him from reverting to old behavior.
My employer allowed me to continue my schedule until Philip would enter
kindergarten in August. He was enrolled in HIPPY USA home school program.
He had to learn structure he did not always choose.
Philips' 5th birthday was far less stressful as he was not constantly
throwing fits and trying to get on the rides another child was on.
Family members who hadn't seem him in months commented on his good nature.
Philip began each day with Kids Coins. He and his sister participate in
selecting the Coins for the days activities. Knowing what is coming is key to
their confidence. There are no more arguments.The normal sibling issues
come up, but we realized we had reached a point where we could no longer
remember how many days had passed since Philip had been in Time Out.
He had learned how to identify his frustration and talk about it.
He would simply explain what bothered him and I could help or explain,
whichever the situation required.
March - April 2006
The actual use of the Kids Coins program is 15 minutes per day.
It is set-up in the morning and completed at bed time.
When special achievements are made, or a great choice on Philips' part,
we celebrate and have him put up a Gold Coin. The Coins are such fun that
even Philip will give one to his sister if she makes a good choice.
He truly understands it's about our individual choices.
Using Kids Coins and making a commitment to use the program daily
has been the best thing we could have done. Our family wanted to know
if we were medicating Philip. The changes in his disposition are so dramatic
that they cannot believe it's not induced.
We have made a commitment to change our hearts and to continue to use
Kids Coins. Having family question the use of drugs, and teachers talk about
how caring and sharing Philip is, is proof that the compassion and consideration
he so desperately needed was forming in his behavior.
The Kids Coins life-skills program helped helped Philip to focus his attention
on his choices and their results instead of letting him wallow mentally in what
he wanted regardless of the world around him. The fact that we have focused
on putting these same principles into our own behavior has enabled us to
"model" good behavior.
Philip is playing T-ball and instead of constantly demanding his turn and being first, he has enjoyed being part of a team and learned to cheer for others.
May - August 2006
Philip is still the same bright child who wants things and isn't happy being
told "NO", but the willful defiance is gone. We are grateful for personal
supportand guidance in using the Kids Coins program in the manner that would
benefit the dynamics of our home.
Philip went to kindergarten and is doing wonderful!